


Acedia

by Melime



Series: Saints & Sinners [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Community: femslashficlets, Depression, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 22:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5644720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miriam Trevelyan, <i>acedia</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Acedia

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Acedia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5644735) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)



> Written for the femslashficlets community, challenge #025 - the seven deadly sins.
> 
> This works with, and then completely rejects, an older definition of acedia (sloth) that is "the lack of joy [depression without joy] was regarded as a willful refusal to enjoy the goodness of God". I would like to clarify that in no way I'm saying depression is a manifestation of sloth or that a depressed person is to blame for the condition.

Cassandra entered the room, and frowned when she saw the near total darkness. She shouldn’t have left Skyhold, not even for a short scouting mission, not when she had seen the signs that the Inquisitor was falling apart. The weight of the world is a heavy burden on the shoulders of such a young girl, especially one that had been thrown into war against her will and now was given a title she didn’t believe she could honor.

Miriam Trevelyan was laying in bed, hiding in fetal position under the covers. The thick curtains blocked most of the sun light, and none of the touches were lit. Cassandra approached with care.

“Go away, I said I wanted to be alone,” Miriam said when she heard the steps.

“It’s me, Cassandra.”

“Alone doesn’t include you. Did they send you here to make sure I’m not possessed? Cullen was here already two days ago.”

Cassandra sat by the end of the bed, not too close to Miriam. “Nobody thinks you are possessed, they are just worried about you.”

“Because they think if I stay here like this, a sloth demon will take me. I told you, Cullen gave me the talk already, and I’ve lived in a circle. I know everything the Chantry has to say about depression and its relation to the sloth demons, and I don’t agree with it. You don’t have to worry, I won’t say yes to any demon, doesn’t matter how terrible I’m feeling.”

Cassandra waited for her to stop talking. “Cullen told you that you could be possessed by a sloth demon for being depressed? I’ll need to have a talk of my own with him, that’s an ancient theory that was never proven. If you want to know, I don’t agree with it as well. I believe it was just one of many instruments used to abuse mages in the circles.”

Miriam peaked from under the covers. “So you are not here to check if I became an Abomination and kill me if necessary?”

“I would never,” Cassandra said, gently touching Miriam's face with a hand.

Miriam leaned into the touch, and closed her eyes. “Why are you here then?”

“Because the first thing I heard when I arrived was that you haven’t left your room in a week, and have barely eaten in at least as many days. I’m worried about you.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I worry because I care for you. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Please don’t tell me I’m rejecting the joy of the Maker, Mother Giselle already came here several times saying it’s all my fault, as if I’m choosing to feel this way.”

“Some people see the Maker as a way recriminate others for things they don’t approve, and that is perhaps one of the problems the Chantry has today. Don’t let them use the Maker to shame you for things you can’t control.”

“You always say the loveliest things. You should be Divine, you know? Then you could make sure people don’t tell mages shitty things instead of help.”

Cassandra smiled fondly. “I don’t think they would even consider me, but I appreciate the sentiment. Although that would take me away from you, and none of us would like that.”

“You really mean it? About not wanting to be away from me?”

Cassandra kissed her forehead. “Yes, even this last fortnight away from you was too much. Can I stay here with you?”

Miriam looked embarrassed. “You wouldn’t want to, I’m all disgusting, I haven’t bathed in a week.”

“And you think that’s a lot? Once I broke far too many bones to remember, and I was bedridden for a month, and by the time I was finally able to at least sit down, my wounds were the cleanest part of me.”

Miriam’s smile lasted only for a second. “It’s different, you were sick.”

“And you are sick too. Now, I’ve just made the journey up this mountain, and would like to lie down. Will you give me some space?”

Miriam moved slightly, while Cassandra took off her armor and set it by the nightstand. Cassandra got under the covers with her, pulling Miriam’s head to her chest. Miriam curled against her body, desperate for comfort.

“Why are you doing this? Everybody acts worried, but then they can’t wait to run out of here. They act like I’m one step away from causing all their deaths, but I’m trying to get better. I know I have to get up and go back to saving the world, and I’m trying to, but I just can’t.”

“Because I love you would be the easiest answer, but it’s not the only reason. I have seen how people treat those with a sickness of the mind, and it surprises me that even Cullen would do that, when he has reason to be understanding.”

“It’s because I’m a mage, isn’t it? One of the Enchanters in my circle helped me hide it when I felt like this, she said the Knight-Commander believed that if a mage’s mind wasn’t stable enough, they were too dangerous to keep and should undergo the Rite of Tranquility. Maybe he was right all along; maybe I am too dangerous. If Cullen’s mind starts to fail him, he can be taken away from his position and not be a treat. But there’s nowhere you can take me where you’ll be safe from demons taking me.”

“I don’t know what the solution for this should be, but I know you won’t give in to any demons. Having magic means you need to be more careful, but we are here to help you, and the Rite of Tranquility isn’t the answer. Now I’ll stay with you for a while, then we’ll get you to the baths, and then to eat something.”

For that moment, Miriam took comfort in having someone else making decisions. Someone who loved her.


End file.
